Email I've Received About My Age Detector
August 7, 2000 Edition
It hasn't been very long since the last edition of my email archives, but I've been going through my past email and catching up on making all the age detector translations and I wanted to throw in some new email so that people who have signed up to be automatically notified when my age detector page changes have something new to look at besides the new Klingon age detector. Yes, somebody actually sent me a Klingon translation for the age detector. So for all you underaged Klingons out there, no porn for you today!
Unfortunately, the following email is all real.
I WANT SOME SEX PICTURS.FULLY NUDE PICTURES. PLEACE SEND IN MY E-MAIL
your age detector is [snip]ING GAY!!! I LIVE IN CANADA AND AM 23 YEARS OLD AND CAN'T GET TO ANYTHING THANKS TO YOU, [snip]HOLE!!!!! This is a first. My age detector is now the world's first out-ed computer program. It does, indeed, prefer running with other programs of the same gender. And FYI, I don't think you not being able to get anything has anything to do with me or my age detector.
Your page sucks, I can already tell you are an ignorant prick that cant get a woman ("computernerd") well maybe you will get laid someday Yeah Matt OK, so who was the one searching for "naked women" now? You're apparently the one who can't get a women - heh heh, you can't even get a picture of a woman! Note to everybody else: you may have found this page by searching for "naked women" yourself - please don't misconstrue my above response to imply that you can't get a woman. I'm just letting Matt have it for being a moron. Note to the kiddies: don't let Matt scare you - being a "computernerd" by no means inhibits your ability to get a woman. A lot of women actually find success and intelligence attractive. This is why Matt has no woman. Another note to the kiddies: what were you doing searching for "naked women"? Note to self: stop writing so many notes.
THANK YOU!!! I am 51,and of course,don't get carded anymore.. this was a treat!! LOL..made my day! Ah, it's always good to hear from someone with a clue and a sense of humor!
can you give me your trick? Sorry, you'll have to go through my pimp.
hi- ben here - i am very disgusted with your so called age detector - i have been trying to hit that stupid button - & never could - i am looking at a BBW-TEXAS page- she sweares she has nude pictures- i happen to be in my 40's - & hate the way i have been treated - the woman must be a liar or somewhat to that effect - mad customer - ben [name removed] [home address removed] Customer, eh? Tell you what, try calling customer service. The Great Age Detector Company is merging with Verizon, formerly BellAtlantic, formerly Nynex, so you can expect unparalleled customer service real soon now! Just call your local operator and ask to be connected to the "Age Detection Customer Service Department".
So, you're the funniest man on the internet. And you went to MIT??? I didn't know they had senses of humor there... Actually, I know some MIT kids. Anyway--You know that TimCam thing? I was thinking that would make a very funny screensaver...I would want it anyway. I hate all those boring ones and....well, that one wouldn't be boring. Write back? Maybe? Meghan Yes, a lot of MIT kids are funny, and sometimes even in a good way. Some of the hacks at MIT have been quite amusing.
Can I just say that your age detector is a very good idea, it will seriously help crack down on under-age abusers. But the problem is that if those children are using their parents computers, what then? The parents, that I know anyway, don't bother with viewing restricters thinking that their children are too trustworthy, or that they have no idea what to do. But what I am mainly asking is, isn't this unfair if someone, like me, who lives in the UK, is over 18 (24 in fact) and can't view anything with a restriction of your sort? I find it ver unfair, I doubt I will ever be entered in this age thing, so why do I have to suffer? I'm not some sicko, but I think I should be able to view what I want at my age (except pictures of margaret thatcher naked - that is TOO much). I am upset, and I would protest that I should be able to view what I want - especially those naked brittney spears pictures of yours ( a growng man has to have some pleasure!). I was wondering if you could make some sort of allowance here, I'm not sure how else I could prove my age to you, but I'll try, BUT I'm not paying $800 dollars for my name to go down on some list! Thanks Pete Um, yeah. UK support will be added in the next version of the age detector.
You are a class A homo. You have too much free time. Actually, both of your statements are false. I am a class A+ (blood type) hetro, and I will never have too much free time.
Hey britney Spears I think you look good and I would like to know if you really do have breast implants. I really like you and wanna know how old you are so please email me back. Also I would like to know if you would call me my number is (540)[xxx]-[xxx] please call I really like you call on Friday around 3:00 I would really like to speak to you or get your email so I can tell all my friends that I recieved Email from one of the best looking girls i've ever seen. It would really be better if you called please don't forget about me cause Friday is my birthday. My real name is Brandon [last name snipped] call and ask for me. I live in Virginia where do you live. Please email me back and call me also cause i'll be waiting for it and I will be really mad if you don't call by this Friday since it's my birthday please pretty please call as soon as possible ! LO! ! VE Brandon [last name snipped] p.s. do you love me if you don't when you get to know me you will maybe Well, I'm not Britney Spears, but people confuse me with her all the time, especially since I'm a six foot tall, short haired, computer programming guy. Your letter won my heart, though. I think you'll have no problem getting Britney to fall for you when you find her real email address.
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