Email I've Received About My Age Detector
These are the original highlights from the emails I received concerning my age detector. I've organized them into some rudimentary categories in an attempt to give off the illusion that I am organized. There are plenty more emails where these came from, so if you like what you see, read the rest of the archives and sign up to be automatically notified when new email is added. Believe it or not, all of the following email is real.
- People with a sense of humor
- People who convert their sexual frustration into anger towards me
- Clueless people
- Clueless people that I have responded to
People with a sense of humorSome people have a good sense of humor, like this guy...
YOUR JAVA AGE DETECTOR IS FUNNY!!! LOT OF LAUGHS!!! THANKS, I THOUGHT I WAS IN FOR SOME GOOD PICS...
or this guy..."Lovely Applet. The continue button really makes u horny"
or this guy...I just wanted to say that your continue thing is really cool. I just came in hear and im totally stoned and that thing tripped me out. anyway bye
or this guy...Your age detector is f[snip]n' *HILARIOUS*!!! I own a video store, and have a computer on the main counter. Sometimes when I'm bored, I open up Netscape to a page I wrote with this on it, and then go in the back and watch 14 year olds covertly try to press the button when no one is looking. I almost piss myself seeing how frustrated they get.
Here's somebody else that's taking full advantage of my age detector:You are a really burned individual with a twisted sense of humor. I like you already. Just thought I would let you know that I have bookmarked your site as a favorite under the heading "dirtee peectures." Your site has provided countless hours of frustration for my two teenaged sons and their licentious chums (as well as entertainment for myself). Keep up the good (albeit strange) work and watch out for PAMP (Perverts Against Mad Programmers).
I'm pretty sure this message was a fake sent as revenge against me for my little trick. It had me going for a little, but then I noticed the age and the fact that it was sent anonymously made me suspicious from the start:Hello again.I just wrote you that I'm 17 years old and then I pushed the button submit,but I wasn't finished yet. That was a little bit stupip [sic] of me, but I'm not so good with the computer. Anyway, my name is Claudia and I live in Holland. I was too young to see your nude photo's, your security is so good. I am a student, but I also do nude modeling voor [sic] painters to make some extra money. So I thought maybe you want to show some pictures of me that my best friend took, for a small sum of money. I'm blond, slim, 1.72m, cup C. If you are interested write me your adress [sic] and I will send you the pictures.If you like them and you want to put it on your website,we can make a good price hopefully.
This message was cute. You may need to read my clueless email first to get the full impact:You need to work on your security Java! I'm 16 and the search database let me right in! I have to commend you on a great set of pictures though! Are you gonna change them though? They're getting old now.
This message was along the same lines as the last one but a little less subtle:I'M 465 YEARS OLD AND I WANT TO SEE SEX!!! Just kidding, I really thought your age detector was quite funny. Keep up the goo [sic] work
This guy pretty much took the words right out of my mouth:I have read some of your comments about your age detector and all I can say about those idiots that cut you down is "GET A CLUE"! First of all you're a student at MIT! That should say enough! Second, there are too many XXX sites anyways and I find it more amusing to piss off those perverts that spend all their time searching for naked pics. I mean I like naked women too but I would kill for some *NEW* cool java! Thanks again! [Note: While I was a student when this message was sent, I have since graduated.]
This is one of the most insightful messages I have received:Based on the e-mail you've gotten, I'd say your applet also doubles as an IQ detector. Thanks! I really needed a good chuckle and your applet delivered.
People who convert their sexual frustration into anger towards me
Then there are those who have no sense of humor. This is actually one of the nicer emails I've gotten - I'd post some of the other ones but Overlord Klinton has seen fit to ban free speech on the net with the CDA.
You must have a lot of free time yourself to have set up such an elaborate ruse (with so many exotic choices of female flesh). If this wallpaper is you, you look like you're already well on your way to the pavement hotel, guzzling Mad Dog and grubbing for half-smoked butts. Best wishes in this career, a[snip]hole.
Whoa, can you say over-reacting:i want to see you naked and then stab you sir
Hmmmm, I'm not quite sure what this message says (I don't speak whatever language it's written in) but I get the feeling that this person was implying that I am gay. Since I do get a lot of other angry mail stating that I must be gay I will set the record straight right now - I am not gay. You don't have to be gay to make fun of straight people.kankerpoot wat zit je nou met je kanker plaat jes HOMO!!!!
There are some really stupid people in the world and I unfortunately get quite a bit of email from them. Here's just a random sampling of the lunacy that arrives in my mailbox every day. It frightens me that people like this exist:
I want to see these famous women's naked pics how? please send me info I can send $$$.. [Note: Please do feel free to send me money.] i tried to enter your sight...It wouldnt let me click the continue button. Is that supposed to be humourous? Anyway, I never had a chance to enter any personal info. You lost a potential good customer. Sorry bout your loss!!! I'm 20. Your applet wouldn't let me in! This computer is old. how do I change the damn preferences? porno sucksssss you should not exploit women i want to cyberporn with full excitement. i got a question about the age detector... when you said the names were whiped out of the database due to the good times virus i thought to myself, "man this guy is full of sh[snip]" the main reason is THE GOOD TIMES VIRII WAS FAKE I know this isn't a trouble shooting form, but whenever I try to push continue on warez, the button won't stay still. E-mail me if you get a chance. [Note: It appears that some people have gotten creative with my age detector, using it to set up "warez" sites among other things.] I have a few questions about your age detector. How or what information database does your age detector use to get it's information? Does it use the name in the operating system of the computer or what? When did the goverment make a file database, that was put on the internet for public use to verify age? Wouldn't that be top secret info.? Please explain to me in detail how this applet works. Your Java age detector isn't very effective, seeing as you can tell from me e-mail address that I am a student at Georgia Tech, and college students are generally over the age of 18, yet your program still won't let me gain admittance. Actually I am 19. i'm 33 years old My wife and I are in our thirties, but could not enter your web page. Last time I checked, I was of age. Whats the story? i4m 19 years old, i will see dolly parton,pamela andersson,demi moore, catherine heigl, princes stephanie and steffi graf totally naked.. i will see too madonna,sabrina,sabrina and cher.... please view me!! i4m not know trying continue!! i4m 19 years!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! hey im 42 i would like to have gotten to see some of the picstures i hope you can get a better way of verification for those of us that may not be in your data base Your Java age detector sucks!!! I am currently in my fourth year of college. I was born 07/29/75, so that makes me 21 almost 22. Try reprogramming it correctly. For your own further information my major in college is computer proggramming. I already have an associates and have about a year to my bachelors and I could have programmed it better than that. Good day to you sir, I was just surfin though and came across your nicely prepaired pages and thought I'd look in on your "Naked Women" ...but couldn't get through your warning page. Other than your 'continue' box hopping around I got nowhere...Could I be missing some valuable piece of information in my preferences that caused a failier to verify my age? (I'm 30) Just curious. Thanks! I want to tell you that your age detector function very good because i'm less then 18 years old and i can't push the continue button because it moves around the screen.... so it works !!!!! How a program can detect my age without see me? you are a good guy, next year i'll be 18 yrs old so I'll can push it I hope. Bye for now who joke ? In your naked women sight the continue bar to varify you are 18 moves around the screen. you suck. you probably don't even have any pictures
Clueless people that I have responded to
Lately I've been doing some experiments to see if conversing with clueless people will create even more entertaining material than their original messages. You can judge for yourself from the following exchanges whether or not it's working.
I received the following email from one personplease. please and please I realy need hulya avsar's nude picture this is very important for me... I understand that you are very good at creatin nude pictures.. please do me that favour.. I will be your head disciple in Turkey... God Bless You...and then this email from another person a few days laterhi!I just want it to know if you really do have naked pics of turkish stars like Hulya Avsar, if you do please send me E-mail and possible send the picture in return i will link your site to my homepage!!! which made the top 10 last month................and then a few days later I got yet another requestplease, please if you have naked pictures of Hulya Avsar, Hande Ataizi or any other Turkish stars --- SEND THEM TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!Well, the first person had attached a picture of Ms. Avsar in a swimsuit (shown below) so hoping to gain some Turkish disciples I obliged their requests, made the photo shown on the right below, and sent them all copies. I have yet to hear back from any of them. My response was:Well that's somewhat of a strange request, but what the hey... I must say she is rather attractive nude. Hope this is what you're looking for.
That wasn't the first request for naked pictures that I had responded to either. I had received this message a couple months before:I'm impotence...I've been suffering for two years. I need some help......Please !!! send me more naked pictures... I really appreciate your kindness and understanding...Please contact me through email from time to time.....This might be a chance for me......... BYENow normally I just ignore this sort of request (or I put it on my list of clueless emails if it's funny enough), but I just couldn't resist with this one. I can't post the picture that I sent back to this guy here because I want to keep this website free of any photos that aren't G rated, but I do think that this poor guy got a big surprise, and he will be "impotence" for quite some time. The moral of the story is that asking me for naked pictures is a bad idea.
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